It took me many years to connect this frequently asked question to receiving appreciation. It had become such a normal question that I didn’t think about the underlying motivation for asking it. Until one of my clients was brave enough to literally say: “I’m just afraid of possible criticism.”
Where this fear was previously hidden under a nice suit, a smooth tongue or an 'I have to get going quickly' agenda, this woman dared to express purely and vulnerably what she was afraid of.
Suddenly I saw the connection.
It will also have had to do with my own needs. In that same period I started to express my vision more, to make myself visible and to speak out. Criticism indeed turned out to be inevitable. I had to find a way to deal with this well, for myself and my clients.
4 Types of Critics
I soon discovered that 'critics' fall into four categories. I started sharing my findings with my clients and they too could confirm this and found a kind of 'peace' through my explanation.
This classification seemed to make criticism less hard for one person and it was easier for the other person to choose the right response. A theoretical model gradually emerged, which has already benefited several people.
Time to share it with a larger audience. But… not just in a traditional way. It is not a scientifically proven model. It is a narrative model. By combining the model with a story, the underlying message will sink in faster and deeper. This makes the chance that it will actually bring about change a lot bigger. This is scientifically proven.
After all, we are not rationally thinking beings, belgium telegram data Kahneman taught us about 18 years ago. Our behavior is unconsciously controlled by our reptilian brain. And our mammalian brain happily joins in. These two parts of our brain are extremely important for our behavior. And those parts love stories, images and emotion.
So… here we go. A theoretical model (our neo-cortex loves that), explained by means of a story.
Also read: Giving & receiving honest feedback is difficult, this is how you tackle it
Just imagine…
Imagine walking into a store. Immediately upon entering, you see a special blouse hanging in one of the racks. The blouse catches your attention and you can't help but take a closer look. This one is cool! Your fingers run over the beautiful, soft fabric. This blouse suits you. But really. You're done with your inconspicuous behavior. You're ready to speak out more, to show who you really are. Off to the changing room.
The annoying child
There is no mirror in the changing room. So you have to go outside to see how the blouse looks. You push the curtain aside, walk outside and the first thing you hear is: "What an ugly blouse." You look to your right, see a face chewing gum and the only thing you can think is: "What an annoying child. " You pay no more attention to it. What does he know about it.
